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How do we define Ourselves?

"Be Somebody Nobody Thought You Could Be: The Power of Self-Belief and Determination"

Have you heard the saying “never underestimate the power of a strong will and determination.” What does that really mean, and how can we implement that in our own lives? Take me, for the case in point ; individuals saw me as some on who would never achieve anything. They would say, I was ridiculous, weird, ghetto, irrelevant, ugly, fat and not good enough. Also, I am a survivor of complex trauma, being an empath and surviving compassion fatigue. I was a big ball for depression, distractions, illnesses and self-doubt and holding on for dear life. I didn’t know who I was but, I knew if I worked hard, I could achieve my goals.

Trauma caused me to criticize myself on everything I did. My childhood trauma with my mom made me question myself and that was the introduction to the self-doubt for me. Nothing was ever never good enough for her. I come from a Nigerian background. Immigrant parents aren’t the easiest but, you can hold compassion for them because the situations and the environment they were raised in. You don’t know what you don’t know but, when you know it’s up to you to do better or chose not to. My military trauma due to MST, which caused my PTSD, caused my trust issues. Also, anger towards authority in the military, not the institution. Also, Child birth was another trauma I survived. I almost died and there was always this fear of not being a capable mother and would my trauma distrub my child. With that being said, in social groups, jobs, love, and relationships I would question myself. Do I deserve this? Am I good enough? Do I belong here?

I created all these thoughts in my mind after consuming all the negative thoughts from others. I started believing that these things were true about myself. Until I started my healing journey, and it allowed me to see my inner truth and wisdom. I had to do a lot of shadow work or inner work to work on the area where the trauma was attached. I did this by applying tools like yoga, journaling and meditation and confronting some hard things in my past. Through that work, I was able to see me, not what others thought of me or expected me to be, but me. This version of me was beautiful, kind, creative, funny, outgoing and so much more. I learned to accept all of me and change the way I spoke to myself. My effort and tenacity influenced the shift within and eagerness to go on and do the inner work.

For so long, we have defined ourselves by classism, racism, colorism, sexism and ageism. We distinguish ourselves because of our titles or our connection to other people and where we live. When you strip all that off, you get the human being and who is she/he/they? Are we who society labels us as or are we much more? There are layers to us all, good and bad. We must learn to embrace them all with love and compassion. People told me I wouldn’t be able to raise my daughter because I was divorced, injured, homeless and had trauma. My daughter is about to turn 20, has always been an honor roll student and is in college studying mechanical engineering in the scholar’s program on a 40,000 scholarship. I bought my first house in 2019 after homelessness. I graduated from college and got my BA and I’m a yoga teacher in school to become a yoga therapist. Even with my disabilities, the man I got remarried to is so supportive. Never say never. There is always hope and once we change our self -belief, the possibles are endless.

Self-belief is the foundation upon which we build our determination. It’s the belief that we are capable of reaching our goals, no matter how big or small. It’s the belief that we are worthy of success and happiness. Without self-belief, determination is nothing more than wishful thinking.

Even when things get rough, it’s the drive that propels us forward. It’s the willingness to push through obstacles and setback, even when it seems like we’re not making any progress.

Together, self-belief and determination are a powerful combination. They give us the courage to take risks, to try new things, and to never give up on our dreams. They give us the power to be somebody nobody thought we could be.

So, how can we develop self-belief and determination? There are a few key strategies that can help:

1. Set realistic, achievable goals: Setting goals that are too ambitious can lead to disappointment and discouragement. Setting realistic, achievable goals gives us something to work towards and gives us a sense of accomplishment when we reach them.

2.Surround yourself with positive people: The people we surround ourselves with have a big impact on our self-belief and determination. Surrounding ourselves with people who are supportive and encouraging can help to boost our confidence and keep us motivated.

3.Learn from your mistakes: Failure is an inevitable part of life, but it’s also an opportunity to learn and grow. When we make mistakes, we have the chance to learn from them and use that knowledge to do better next time.

4.Believe in yourself: The most important thing of all is to believe in yourself. Believe that you are capable of achieving your goals, that you are worthy of success and happiness. Believe that you are somebody nobody thought you could be.

5. Change the way you speak to yourself. Words have power. The way you speak can change the outlook of your day and how you view yourself.

In conclusion, the power of self-belief, self-talk, and determination should not be underestimated. It is something that we all have access to within ourselves. When we tap into it, we can achieve great things. Believe in yourself, set realistic goals, surround yourself with positive people, learn from your mistakes and you will be on your way to becoming somebody nobody thought you could be.

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